Nervosa

the first time felt
like prostitution,
sacrificing your body
for some unknown one
that would pay,

kept imagining what might
be floating in the bath
at this point,

what might be said when
one was caught bathing in
water like this,
so heard of,

but unknown here.
sticks continually washed
cleaned by guilt and sanitation
screaming,

eyes wrenched red
like the colour my insides
must be.

(came out feeling dizzy
but wise, knowing more than
the next one,
you've got to be tough,

you've got to be brave,
you've got to feel good after.)