Relapse

They say that relapses for alcoholics occur every
for marijuana users every
for hallucinogine users every
for prescription medication users every

for poets every
and for lovers

There are many ways to write poems
and there are many reasons as well,
sometimes it is to perserve memories,
to add to them to make them better,
other times it is to make fantasies into some version of reality,
even if it is sick or twisted or sad

One way
to write poems

is to sit quiet and breathe in the rage
that is brewing inside you
and let it escape even though
it might humiliate you


There are many things that make me miss you
There are many things that make me remember you existed
even though I push the image of you
as far
into
my
throat
and as deep
into
my
stomach
as
you
will
go,
And sometimes I notice the rage of you -

Coffee reheated
Tea bags in cool water
Fake tans, heat rashes,
Burns that pull your face taut
You singing in the car,
Cans of Carling and the way you taught me
to twist and crush them